This is how it happened
You see, there is this guy who is really powerful, and his name
is God. In the beginning, God created the Earth. He's been pretty happy with it,
but he doesn't always like some of the people. So from time to time he uses
floods or plagues to get rid of the riff-raff. One time, God got really pissed
at the Jews, so he sent his son Jesus down to stir up trouble among them. Now Jesus is a strange dude. Even though he's about as powerful
as his dad, he acted pretty wimpy while he was on Earth. About the best he could
do was to heal some people and whip up some extra loaves of bread when he didn't
have time to get to the market. Okay, he did bring one guy back from the dead,
but that hardly stacks up against some of his old man's tricks, like parting the
Red Sea or killing the first-born of every family in Egypt. In fact, if Jesus
showed his face around my neck of the woods today, the good ol' boys would
probably take him for a queer and beat the crap out of him. Well, the Jews did even worse. With the help of some Romans,
they sent Jesus back to Heaven the hard way. Needless to say, that pissed off
God even more. It took him over 1900 years to come up with a plan for revenge,
but boy did it work! God sent this guy named Hitler, who did such an efficient
job of getting back at the Jews that he darn near killed them all. God had to
send the Gentiles in at the last second to save their hides. Anyway, even God was a little shaken by that Hitler fiasco, so
he bought off the Jews by giving them Israel and putting them in control of all
the banks. Since then, he has switched to more subtle ways of influencing events
here on Earth. God has now decided to use the means of annoying americans in order to
influence the ways of the world, such as preachers teaching the new religion: americanity
this new religion is much like tradtional christianity but with a few minor differences, such as
having annoying americans in it, other difference of note include complete commericalisation of the
religion